


Secrets & Bickering

by thesoundofasmile



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23934280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesoundofasmile/pseuds/thesoundofasmile
Summary: Yelena sees Natasha's body slowly and then suddenly fade into view in front of her. The redhead's eyes fly open as she gasps, shock and confusion in her expression as her gaze flits wildly around her surroundings. She holds her sister's gaze meaningfully."You're an idiot," she says finally.
Relationships: Yelena Belova & Natasha Romanov
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	Secrets & Bickering

**Author's Note:**

> This idea started rattling around my mind while brainstorming for my other story, Moments, but I realized very quickly the direction I wanted to take it in wouldn't fit into the world I'd already established there. But I liked the premise so much that I decided to write it anyway.
> 
> Enjoy.

Yelena watches as her sister pushes off the cliff and she feels sadness sweep through her. From the moment she spotted the two of them and heard what the floating being had said, she’d known it would be Natasha giving her life. Her sister had always known what it was to sacrifice for a cause. The Red Room indoctrinated them into it from earlier than they could even remember. Her allegiance may have changed to one more virtuous, but the fundamental principle remained the same: she had always been willing to sacrifice herself.

Yelena had known from the start of the Avengers’ little time travel mission that there was a strong possibility of her sister ending up joining her in the afterlife. Maybe even likely. Still, she’d hoped Natasha would have more time to live. It’s what she’d given her own life for all those years ago for after all.

There was no denying that their relationship had always been complicated. They’d been forced together as ‘sisters’ but raised to be bitter rivals. Then circumstances intervened and required they join forces and fight alongside each other, and so they became tentative allies. And then somehow they escaped the depths of darkness and they became sisters by their own choice.

Yelena had grown bitter quickly after Natasha defected, leaving them behind seemingly without a second thought. She wondered why Natasha got to get out when the rest of their little family was stuck hiding and fighting, and why she hadn’t come back to get them out too. But mostly she wondered why Natasha didn’t seem to care about them anymore.

But with time and perspective, the bitterness had faded and turned instead to a faint hope. Hope that Natasha could lead a life, could do the things they’d only whispered about in hushed tones in the dead of night, could dance just for the sake of dancing.

Yelena had kept an ear to the ground after Natasha left, hoping to hear the whispers about the Russian spy who joined SHIELD. She’d watched the news after New York was attacked by aliens, spotted flashes of red hair in the battle footage and felt proud of her sister. She’d listened to the people blaming the Avengers after sentient robots essentially took Sokovia hostage and felt a wave of anger that they didn’t understand what her sister and team had done to help. She’d watched as the world’s governments laid blame at the feet of the Avengers for what happened in Lagos, and felt frustration that they didn’t see they’d saved more people than were hurt. She’d listened to the broadcasts declaring her sister a traitor after the altercation in Germany, and felt sadness that Natasha had lost the freedom she’d fought for so long to have.

Now, Yelena watches as Barton stares down at Natasha’s prone body. She knows at that distance he can’t see much, but her own slightly more omniscient view allows her to see her sister’s body up close. The lack of brokenness is surprising given the height she fell from, but the blood pooling around her head and vacant eyes are unsettling.

Looking away from the scene, Yelena sees Natasha’s body slowly and then suddenly fade into view in front of her. The redhead’s eyes fly open as she gasps, shock and confusion in her expression as her gaze flits wildly around her surroundings. Yelena watches as she sits up and finds understanding blooming in her eyes once their gazes meet. She holds her sister’s gaze meaningfully. It's been years for them, and their last moments together had been hard for them both. “You’re an idiot," she says finally.

Natasha’s brow furrows in confusion. “What?”

“You,” Yelena repeats, pointing a finger at her accusingly. “You’re an idiot. Throwing yourself off a cliff. Pfft, and for what?”

Natasha’s voice is croaky as she replies. “I was saving-”

“You were being an idiot,” Yelena interrupts. Despite her slight anger with Natasha’s apparent disregard for her own life, she can't help the faint feeling of happiness at being able to bicker with her sister again.

“Stop saying that,” Natasha throws back sharply, voice still raspy. “I’m not an idiot.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You are.”

Natasha exhales harshly in frustration. “I was saving my friend. And hopefully half the goddamn universe.”

Yelena shakes her head in acquiescence. “You’re still an idiot.”

“You have yet to explain why,” Natasha accuses.

“Because you assumed along with the rest of those idiots that it was the only way.”

“It _was_ the only way,” Natasha argues. “The sorcerer told Tony he saw millions of possible outcomes and there was only one in which we could win.”

“I find that very hard to believe.”

“Aliens, magical stones, and half the universe’s living things dusting away into nothing, and _that’s_ what you find hard to believe?” Natasha replies incredulously and Yelena bites her cheek to keep the snort from escaping. Okay, so _maybe_ she had a point...

“Your love for them has made you soft. You took the sorcerer's words at face value and didn’t ask any questions."

Natasha grinds her teeth in frustration, but Yelena presses on. "There would be near infinite outcomes possible, so him seeing millions is not enough to cover all the possibilities." She pauses to allow her words to sink in. "And besides, how do you know _this_ one was the right outcome?”

She watches as Natasha’s face pales and panic sets into her eyes. “Did he get it? Clint. Did he get the stone?”

Yelena gestures to the pond she’s sitting beside. “See for yourself.”

Natasha scrambles to her feet in a manner so unlike her that it practically _screams_ desperation. It takes her only a few quick strides to reach the edge of the pond, and once there she leans over to see Barton kneeling in a pool quite a distance away from the mountain they had climbed. Yelena stands up and leans over to watch along with Natasha as Barton opens his hand, looks down to find an orange stone, and is overwhelmed by grief. Natasha breathes a sigh of relief that her sacrifice worked, but Yelena can see her breath catch and tears begin to well.

"He really cared about you," Yelena remarks. His reaction is undeniable proof of how much he loved Natasha.

“He was my best friend,” Natasha replies, her eyes welling with more tears. “He was like a brother.”

It’s clear from her reaction how much Natasha cared for him. They were two broken people who found solace and understanding in one another. Not unlike, Yelena thinks, how she and Natasha had found common ground once upon a time as they became sisters.

“So you saved him out of love.” She knows the significance of her words isn't lost on Natasha. They carry more weight for the two of them than most others given the ideals the Red Room had raised them both on.

“I saved them all out of love,” Natasha counters, tone quiet and vulnerable in a way Yelena had only seen once while alive - in her own final moments.

Her gaze is still fixed on her partner, but Yelena can see the grief in her expression and in her posture. She knows what it is to die for someone you care about and knows intimately the feeling of pain when you realize what you’ve lost. After all, she gave her life saving Natasha years ago.

“They were lucky to have you," she offers even though she's certain they don't know how lucky. They didn’t appreciate everything Natasha did for them. In fact, Yelena’s certain they don’t yet realize _how much_ Natasha did for them. That painful realization would come in time.

Natasha’s gaze shifts from the scene on the pond’s surface to meet Yelena’s eyes. “I was lucky to have you.” The words hang heavily in the air between them, and Yelena is caught between maintaining eye contact and looking away. “I never got to thank you for what you did,” Natasha adds after a beat.

Yelena finds herself fighting the urge to fidget in an uncharacteristic display of discomfort. Neither of them have ever dealt well with emotions, and this conversation has shifted decidedly away from the sisterly bickering they’d started out with. “Well, it seems my actions helped save the world in the end. Might explain why I ended up here instead of the fiery depths of hell,” she deflects as she looks away.

Natasha frowns. “Don’t do that,” she chastises. “Don’t belittle what you did. You saved my life.”

“We were both trained killers. You atoned for what the Red Room forced you to do and I carried on killing. My hands are soaked with more blood than yours were. One moment doesn’t equal redemption. Saving you doesn’t balance the scales.”

“You did more than just save me. I know you were hunting traffickers before I found you again in Budapest. You helped me get those girls out from the Red Room. You saved them too. You did good in the world.”

Yelena considers her sister’s words but shakes her head before looking back down to the pond. “Looks like you had quite the fan club.”

Natasha stares at her sister for another beat before her gaze drops to the pond. Her teammates are gathered by a lake, dressed in all black. Yelena supposes it’s meant to be a funeral, though with only half the people who should be there and no body to bury or burn...it's not really much of anything. She watches as Stark asks if Natasha had any family and Captain America answers that they were her family.

The question flutters to the surface of her mind before she can stamp it down, but she doesn’t dare verbalize it. But Natasha answers the unspoken question, knowing her sister was thinking it. “I never told them,” she says without looking away from her teammates. “I should have. It- It wasn’t-”

“You don’t owe me an explanation. We all have our secrets.” They were sisters, yes, but they were spies and trained killers too. Secrets were in their blood and always would be, maybe even in death.

“I wasn't ashamed of you."

Yelena frowns because of all the reasons that came to mind why Natasha had kept her a secret, she hadn’t thought that one would apply. "I didn't say you were."

"I should have told them."

The repeated words hang in the air as Yelena scrutinizes her sister’s expression and finds regret and apology. She shrugs to direct them back to some semblance of emotional balance. "Well, what is it they say? Hindsight is 20/20?"

"I'm sorry," Natasha offers, taking a step toward her and clearly ignoring her deflection.

Yelena shakes her head and takes a step backward to maintain the distance. "The only thing you have to be sorry for is throwing yourself off a cliff."

"I did it to save them. To give them a chance to fix everything. I did it for the same reasons you saved me."

Yelena pointedly ignores the reference to her own sacrifice. "Why not him? He jumped. He _wanted_ to."

Natasha just shakes her head sadly.

"Don't tell me it's because he had a family to go home to. You had people to go home to too," Yelena presses. She knows Natasha called these people her family, but she can’t bring herself to use the word. It’s childish and she knows it, but once upon a time _she’d_ been part of Natasha’s family.

"I spent five years trying to get somewhere where we could bring everybody back. That was the moment."

"But why _you_?" Yelena presses.

"Why anyone? I made the call and he got the stone. They can bring everyone back. That's what matters."

"So you're telling me I saved your life for nothing?"

Natasha frowns at the sudden shift and Yelena realizes she's contradicted her earlier words in her efforts to understand her sister's reasons.

"Yelena-"

"It's fine," she snaps defensively, preemptively shutting down Natasha’s reply before it can lead them into emotional territory again. "I'm just checking. Here I thought you would actually _live_ after I saved your life. How foolish of me," Yelena says, bitterness creeping into her tone to mask the other emotions simmering under the surface.

"I did live."

"You went back to being a fugitive, were miserable for five years, and then sacrificed yourself for a man who had a mental breakdown and abandoned you when you needed him most."

"Hey!" Natasha snaps. "He lost his whole family."

"Lots of people did. You lost us and you didn't go on a killing spree."

Natasha stares at her with a hard expression. "He's a good man. He saved my life when he had no reason to. He's stuck with me all these years, through everything."

"No, not everything," Yelena points out. "He ignored you for most of the last five years. I saw how you begged him to stop killing senselessly. I saw you break down when he cut off contact."

Natasha stays quiet but Yelena can hear the change in the pattern of her breathing. She's hit a soft spot in her sister's armour.

"You deserved better, Natasha. You held it together for them for five years when they all left. And yet you were the one who had to jump on the grenade in the end. That's bullshit."

Natasha sighs. "I didn't have to. I chose to. He has kids. I grew up-"

"That was different. You can't compare their loving home to the Red Room."

"But that's my point. Their loving home is partially because he's there."

"He was gone on missions more often than not."

Natasha sighs again and shakes her head. "I don't want to argue with you," she says softly.

Yelena eyes her for a moment before relenting. "Fine. But I still think you're an idiot. There had to have been other opportunities to get the stones."

"Please don't," Natasha says as she closes the distance between them. Before Yelena can say anything, Natasha's arms are wrapped around her tentatively. "I missed you," Natasha says softly. The words are softer than any Yelena can remember ever hearing from her sister, save for those final moments.

Yelena relaxes and returns the hug tightly. More tightly than she had intended. "I missed you too, sis."

But the moment doesn't last as Natasha pulls out of the embrace suddenly and walks over to the pond swiftly. "No," she whispers as she looks down. "No, how did- I saw Thor kill him. How is he alive?"

Yelena turns and looks down into the pond, finding a scene filled with nothing but wreckage and Thanos standing in the middle of it all. They watch as Captain America, Stark, and Thor try to hold him off and figure out a way to beat him until the only one still standing is Captain America.

"Please…please," Yelena hears Natasha whisper. She's nearly trembling as she falls to her knees in an effort to be closer to her team. She turns to face Yelena. "There has to be something we can do. Please. Please, Yelena. There has to be something. _Anything,"_ Natasha begs, looking up at her sister with tears and desperation in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Yelena says as she shakes her head, genuinely sad for her sister because there's nothing they can do. They can only watch.

"I'm here, Steve," Natasha whispers as she looks back down. "I'm here. I'm sorry I can't help- Just...I'm here..."

Yelena kneels beside her sister and reaches out to grab her hand. Their fingers intertwine and Natasha glances at their hands briefly before her gaze rises. In it Yelena finds gratitude and a dozen other emotions she can’t quite name. She offers her sister a quick nod before they both look back down at the pond's surface.

Just as it seemed like the afterlife was going to gain a few more people, portals suddenly begin to appear behind Captain America. Natasha's grip tightens and she inhales sharply as the heroes which had once been snapped away to dust begin to appear. Yelena looks over at her sister and finds hope blooming in Natasha’s eyes. They watch as the odds shift once the numbers even out, and then seem to nearly tip in the heroes’ favour once Danvers arrives and deals a fatal blow to Thanos' ship. There's a flurry of more chaos and then suddenly Stark is holding the stones.

"Tony…" Natasha whispers sadly, her head shaking slowly. She looks at Yelena. "Will he come here?"

Yelena tilts her head slightly considering the question. She's not an all-knowing being, and she can't definitively answer it. But Natasha is looking at her with such a pleading expression that she can't help but offer some comfort. "I don't know, but...you did… So perhaps."

"I...I want to be here when he does."

"If he comes here, you can be," Yelena assures her. "I'll leave you here to-"

"No," she answers immediately, tightening her grip on Yelena's hand. "Please don't go. I just got you back."

Her words surprise Yelena. Natasha had never been particularly emotional, but everything Yelena has seen today tells her differently. Clearly her sister has changed. Maybe they both have.

"Okay," she says, because she doesn't know what else there is to say. But she knows she’s glad to have her sister with her again, even if the circumstances allowing it to happen are less than ideal.

They hear the footsteps of another person approaching and they glance up to find an older man. She doesn't recognize him and a quick glance over to Natasha tells her she doesn't either. They turn back to watch as Stark's body fades into view. He sits up suddenly, much the same as Natasha had.

"Hi, Tony," Natasha says. Her tone is gentle and apologetic.

Stark's gaze shifts to settle on Natasha. "Hey, Nat."

"You just had to go and be the hero, huh?" she chides gently as she offers him a hand to help him up.

"Nah, just wanted to go out with a bang," he quips, but even Yelena can tell that it lacks his usual charisma. He locks gazes with Natasha again and they seem to have a silent conversation of some kind before he wraps her up in a tight hug. "I'm sorry, Nat," he whispers so quietly Yelena barely hears it. “God, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

" _I'm_ sorry," she replies just as softly.

They break apart after a moment. "They're gonna be okay, Tony. I'm sorry you can't be with them, but they're gonna be okay."

He nods. "Same goes for you," he says, tipping his chin upward to emphasize his words. He blows out a breath heavily and it's then that Stark realizes he and Natasha aren't alone.

"Yinsen. I'll be damned."

The man smiles. "It would appear you're not," he retorts, "since you've made it to the afterlife."

"I didn't waste it. I did what I could."

The man nods. "So you did. I knew you would."

Stark's gaze shifts to meet hers. "Sorry, you I don't know," he says with a frown and pauses for a beat. "Should I?"

"Tony," Natasha says, stepping toward Yelena again, "this is my sister, Yelena."

"Oh god. There's more than one of you?" he says in false alarm.

Natasha swats him on the shoulder. "Be nice "

He grins and then turns to face Yelena again, holding out a hand. "Nice to meet you.” She reaches out and takes his hand firmly and he begins talking again immediately. “I'm hoping you have some good stories about Nat here being an idiot or foolish, because I spent over 10 years with her and I got nothing. No blackmail material. Absolutely nothin'. Zip. Zilch."

Yelena's gaze narrows as she eyes him carefully before flicking a quick look over to Natasha. She finds her sister smiling tentatively. Hopefully. _So she wants me to get along with him._

"I may have a few," she replies, lips curling into a smile because oh yes, she had some stories.

"Oh god, you do it too. That look. I know that look. I'm so glad I never knew you existed before I died. My blood pressure would've been through the roof knowing you were out there."

Yelena blinks as she tries to process his reaction to his own death. "Does he always ramble like this?"

"Yes," Natasha and Yinsen answer together.

"Hey. I resemble that remark," he quips with a lazy grin. "So, Yinsen, you gonna give me the grand tour?"

"I believe your father has requested that honour."

Stark's brows rise. "Dad's here?"

"Of course. He's waiting with your mother. I can take you to them now if you'd like."

Stark's eagerness is clear to see but he pauses and looks over at Natasha again before closing the distance between them. He wraps his arms around her again tightly and she reciprocates the gesture. "I really am sorry, Nat. You shouldn't have had to-"

"Neither should you,” she interrupts. “But we have all the time in the world to hash this out later. Go see your parents."

He grins and nods and then disappears down the pathway with Yinsen.

"So that is Tony Stark."

Natasha nods. "Yep."

"He's going to irritate me beyond all belief isn't he?"

Natasha smiles. "He tried that with me. I figured out early on how to handle him. Don't worry, I'll share my secrets with you."

Yelena looks at her sister and smiles. Family, back together again.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sad that I won't be watching the Black Widow movie this weekend, but hope that everyone is safe and well.
> 
> As always, your thoughts and feedback are welcomed and appreciated. :)


End file.
